Time...my rarest commodity

I first work my blog's introduction about three weeks ago. And I only just published it. At the time I wrote it, I was on lunch in the office and decided that every day I was going to write an entry. Ha! Three weeks later, here I am. Only just publishing that first bit and finally sitting down to write another.

Clark will be seven months on April 2nd and April 4th marks thirteen years since Sean and I got together. Clark is crawling and standing - ready to face the world and all it's offerings new. Sean and I are settling, so much behind us now and yet we still make each other giggle like it was 1996.

The one thing that has seemed to abondon me is time.

Sean told me the other day that since Clark was born, we've been like swining doors. Passing each other with swift yet meaningful pecks on the lips as we exchange shifts.

Having a baby is hard work but one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever done. And amid the early morning feeds and the losing count on the scoops of formula in the bottle, I know that my loss of time is really loss of time for myself. Loss of time for Sean and I to be us.

And stopping there, it sounds quite tragic. But it doesn't stop there. It has only begun with Clark.

On Friday, I pick up the night shift, so Sean can attempt to catch up on all the sleep he lost during the week and recover from Clark's kicks in his ribs during his slumber.

Between each feed, as Clark, my son, spoons with me, I think - how lucky I am.

Wait. This sounds mushy. Where is the meaning? Where is the point?

The point is - check me out. A mother! With someone who depends on me for everything. Strange because I can barely depend on myself.

And time. I had so much of it before. Just to just spend all Saturday in bed - reading magazines, emerging to grab a quick Starbucks before they closed at 6.30pm. A bit of laundry on Sunday and a short shopping trip. Another Starbucks or two and then the week of work began again.

I watched television after work. Surfed the internet. Had long conversations with friends and with my best friend, Sean.

I miss all of that.

But, it has no been replaced with giggles. With a little monster climbing over me as we romp in bed. Knowing that as Clark and I play, Sean sleeps or enjoys some "me" time.

I hear a lot of parents - new parents especially, complain that they have no time for themselves. No time for girly drinks and loud boys nights.

The same applies to me - not that that stuff occupied my time that much anyway. But time was mine.

Now it may seem as if it is not. I work - to take care of my family and I get home to take care of my family.

Me? I eat. I bathe. I sleep.

May seem imbalanced to some - but I like it.

I like that I have had enough of me to last me a lifetime. That I just want more of Clark and through him, I get more of Sean.

Sean and I had our time, being us. Now we have our time being parents. And that's the new way for us to be us.