If I really open my mouth...

...what allyuh go say boy?

So many times, on an hourly basis, I am confronted by incidents, things or whatever you want to call them, that make me think thoughts that would not be deemed politically correct. That then leads to my thoughts to the fact that Trinidadians (especially me!) are very politically incorrect.

I will elaborate.

Wait! Before I go there, I just want to say that I love everyone (LIE!) and that I don't mean to offend anyone. Cause I think I will offend many people.

Actually, me eh really cater - it's my blog.

Let me start by talking about how Trinis refer to different races.

Shall we travel to Asia? A region made up of over fifty countries (including Turkey, Bhutan and Kazakhstan). I would say that the two countries that are most associated with Asia, are India and China. If you stop 100 people in the street and ask them to name the first three countries in Asia that come to mind, I assure you India and China would be in most people's top three.

Now surely, that must be the reason why Trinis call all people from countries like Sri Lanka, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh etc - INDIAN. And don't forget that all people from countries like Mongolia, Japan, Thailand, China, Indonesia etc are CHINEE.

And if you fall under one of these two "categories" and you are walking down Brian Lara Promenade and somebody bawl out "Chinee" you WILL turn around!

Here are a few more of the denominations that exist in Trinidad and Tobago:

RED or REDS

This usually refers to someone who is light-skinned and of mixed race. More used towards women, it is also acceptable when referring to men of the same ethnic background. Sayings that use the word "red" or "reds" include:

• If yuh red yuh dead
• The only good red ting is ah dollar
• Ah only like red meat

TALLEST

This is self-explanatory term, as it refers to anyone who is tall. Being 5 ft 11", I know this term very well. The last "T" is actually silent, making the correct prononciation - TAL-LESS

Back to the opening of my blog - "If I really open my mouth, what allyuh go say boy?!?!?!"

Being a Trinidadian has made it easier for my to hone in on my communication skills. In others words, being Trinidadian has allowed me to get in the habit of saying exactly what I feel - when I feel.

Living in the UK for almost six years now, I have received many worried looks from colleagues, passers-by, tube commuters and the general public when they are faced with one of my Trinidadianesque comments.

Let me give you an example.

In the UK, people walk alot. not always in car like us Trinis. So one is privy to varied styles of comfortable footwear, conducive to said walking.

Now on the streets of London and now Bristol., I am confronted with fat people wearing sneakers - or as they say here trainers. So yuh fat; yuh walking; yuh wearing exercise shoe; AND YUH STILL FAT?!?!?! It's like having all the elements in an equation correct but the answer still wrong. And to add insult to injury, their hair and nails usually on! But yuh fat! Can I say anything about it though? When I exchange these ideas with someone of my UK padners - they either look at me as if I am the meanest person they have ever met, or they just chuckle because they agree with me but other than chuckling, won't agree or disagree.

We call fat girls in Trinidad - mampies.

Related terms include:

Mampie-sauraus Rex

Mampieliscious

Now this brings me to elaborate on said walking. In Trinidad, we don't really walk that much. When we in the mall. Maybe Frederick Street or High Street. Usually shopping or an errand makes us walk but other than that we driving or being driven. Right?

So when one is a Trinidadian (as I am) and one is put in a situation that has more walking than he/she is used to, then there must just be calamity, right?

Allyuh, if yuh peoeple does bad-walk me up here? And ah does cuss!!!!!

I know ah leaving allyuh hanging here but I tried type....more tomorrow.

In a timing.